Mar. 14th, 2017

improperlyhuman: (Default)
Today I watched this film about butch lesbians: https://vimeo.com/114569393

As they were describing their lives, I was thinking "that happened to me too."

Security following them into public restrooms? Been there.
People getting awkward about their inability to determine their sex? Been there.
Doctors unsure which anatomy they're about to treat? Been there.

I then became aware of the incongruity of my having had so many similar experiences, yet sub-consciously not considering myself a member of this group of people. I don't think of myself as a butch lesbian. I never have. But am I one?

I've never really had any reason to think of myself as a butch lesbian or call myself that. Butch lesbians have always been this group of other people. Those attractive people over there. Those people who give us butterflies. Those people you can hardly bear to even look at. Not me.

That's the main way I used that term, to describe people I'm interested in. That main use probably conditioned my thoughts to the "not me" modality. But I guess I fit the profile well.

I mean I don't usually explicitly think about the traits that I have that are butch. They're very embedded in who I am, not something I hold up away from myself and examine in isolation. When people draw them to my attention (by mis-sexing me for example), I tend to think of that as a reflection of them, not a reflection of me.

I looked up the forum that was shown in the video. The L Chat. Then I did a bit of research on it. People complained about being banned randomly and said that no forum rules were posted. I won't be joining that one. A forum about "gossip and drama" is probably not the place for me anyhow.
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