Mar. 31st, 2017

Bye, Tom!

Mar. 31st, 2017 09:48 pm
improperlyhuman: (Default)
So check this out: I tried to burn my Tom of Finland in the bathtub this evening.

That's the last piece of pR0n I have, I don't even look at it anymore, and it was partially damaged in the fire anyhow.

It didn't catch with the first match and that's when I saw that all my matches seem to have disappeared. I had a least one box that was nearly full. I found a match on top of the fridge and got the sleeve burning. It burned dirty and smelled like plastic. It didn't burn for very long before the smoke alarm went off despite my having two fans on and a window open, so I turned my new shower head on it. The book survived, and I'd blackened my bucket a little bit. Oh well. But I don't want to throw the book in the trash. I want to annihilate it.

Dry as the dunes over here. Arousal dysfunction. And only clean thoughts I allow myself now. And we all know what that means: lesbians. And thinking about lesbians is not only foreign, it scares me because it can lead to loneliness :( And I was already kind of sad because I had some music on.

But I didn't really have to worry because my mind kept wandering anyhow. So I gave up and decided to accustom myself to thinking about lesbians by watching a lesbian movie on my Netflix trial subscription.

First I tried this movie called Anatomy of A Love Scene. It's about two womyn who end up falling for each other after shooting...actually the love "scene" seemed really long and explicit, more like an adult film. It started off kind of funny and I wasn't sure whether it was supposed to be a comedy. They were lying in bed and the director or someone was giving them some explicit but really deadpan directions.

I tried to skip to the part after the love scene, but it seemed to take up the whole movie? And they were like just talking in between shoots or something. It looked boring and it was like just ultra soft porn, so I just stopped watching it.

Then I chose a movie called Heterosexual Jill. Damn, did I have a point? I've forgotten it. Well, it was funny enough and put me in a good mood, but it's weird watching movies about lesbians. Then I was ready to burn Tom.

Most of what I read about quitting porn is about guys. I'm like, what about me? I don't have erectile dysfunction. What about me, dammit?

My housing rep stopped by this morning. She waited ten minutes and verified that the heater doesn't work after I'd set the thing to the highest temperature. She's giving the landlord 30 days to do something about it. I'm afraid that he's going to try to evict me. That month-to-month lease come back to bite me in the ass.

You know, back when I lived in a garage and I first invited Thom over, she told me make sure the place was clean the next time she came over. I was like, "huh?" Because I had tidied up. I was like, who cares, I'd have sex with you in a landfill.

But I tried to set the mood for myself today, and suddenly I looked around my bedroom and I was like, this place is a mess, who would want to have sex in here? So I guess I get it now?

So here's my all natural equipment with which I'll be cleaning the bathroom tomorrow:

And here's one of those gently rolling hills:

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