Apr. 24th, 2017

improperlyhuman: icon says: Radical Feminism: Females First. Always. (females first)
My last garbage bag is almost full. I've tried to purchase biodegradable garbage bags from three different online sellers at this point, two on Amazon, then one on ebay.

I thought my ebay purchase had gone through, but I just got an email about the order being cancelled because of "local/state" regulations that prohibit shipping to my area! The Amazon product descriptions indicate something similar. What's so special about where I live now? I've never had this problem before.

Fatigue again today. :(

So I'm going to see the shrink tomorrow. I've been preparing myself mentally so that I don't say the "wrong" things or reveal too much too soon. I have to feel this person out before trusting her. How exhausting this all is. But I'll not be screwed over again. I wish I could have the sessions audio recorded.

I also have to decide on my therapeutic goal(s). I want to not be so anxious. I realized afterwards that I was I was mildly anxious while waiting to get my blood drawn the other day. I asked myself why, and the answer is that I was keeping myself alert so that I wouldn't do something weird in front of the other blood donaters there, like talk out loud or something. Overly alert is the more accurate term; I wasn't exactly anxious.

I think I should have other goals. Something to do with something social. But what can I expect, realistically? People will continue to expect me to be like other people, and I will continue to be unable to deliver.

So good news: I guess I'm fixed. I got my libido back, and it's not a pornified libido. It's a healthy lesbian libido. I'm not even sure how I did it. I just decided that I wanted it. I made myself think about lesbians a few times and it stuck. I guess it's easy when there are no images to interfere with the imagination

But look at my mood: lonely. This is the downside. When was the last time my mood was lonely? It's been a while. It's been more like boredom.

I chatted with my anarchist friend today and it was nice. I still didn't have much to say, though. And I was afraid to ask questions about a few unclear things because of people getting angry at me in the past when I asked questions.

The thing is that I'm anti-civ and most other anarchists are not, and I've noticed some misunderstanding about what anti-civ is about. It isn't primitivism. I don't want to return to the stone age, mainly because I don't think that's possible. I don't romanticize "primitive" lifestyles.

I don't really understand how other anarchists expect the world to work without centralized governments. Once people are no longer compelled to work for others for their survival, they (especially the poor and working class) are going to bail the hell out of traditional employment.

These people are currently feeding, clothing, and housing the professional classes, and without the labor of the former, the latter will have no way to spend the first 2+ decades of their life preparing for the skilled jobs necessary to perpetuate an industrialized civilization. There ain't gonna be no time to go to medical or engineering school once people have to provide their own damned food.

And who will staff these universities and colleges? What will the janitors and Human Resources reps and groundspeople get out of that work, how will they be remunerated without the government printing money?

OMG I'm dying for sex. The problem is that I can't really do anything about that alone.
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