May. 11th, 2017

improperlyhuman: Burgendy text on black background: "Promoting Commodified Sex Positive Is Not Sex Positive" (pic#8372521)
At least, I think I do. The core issue seems to be discomfort with the female gender role. I know all about that. Whether the coping tactic is gender non-conformity/radical feminism or queer theory/tumblr identities/trans trending, the core issue is the same (in some cases at least). And I'm looking at these womyn and I'm seeing that many of them are so young. And I'm looking on Youtube and I'm seeing grown ass adults calling Milo whatshername misogynistic slurs and I'm a little afraid for these youngsters.

So I'm not gonna make fun of the queer young females any more. Not that I ever really did hardcore. I just made...I guess mildly derisive remarks. Like I guess "tumblr identities" falls into the derisive remarks category, doesn't it? And I'm probably gonna change that "queer nonsense" tag to something more palatable; to what, I don't know. Not that I believe many people will ever see it; I just like to be consistent.

Anyways, I'm over it. I own my frustration and repulsion with the misogynistic and unrealistic ideology behind some of it. That's all me; that's not them.

Goddamned therapist cancelled on me at the last minute and had the appointment time wrong! The appointment was supposed to be today; I clearly asked her to change the time to Wednesdays last week. She called me yesterday, Tuesday, saying that she wouldn't be available for our Tuesday appointment.

She did seem disorganized the first two sessions, but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. And what choice do I have? No other therapist in town.

I was disappointed. I have to say things like this to myself because I guess I tend to be only vaguely aware of my emotions. Well, that's not so true in the past 5–10 years, but that's because they started to take over. That's why I was so uncontrollably angry for so long: I had no idea how to discharge the anger. I still don't! I heard tell that people should talk to other people about their emotions, but I sort of rejected that as not applicable to me because talking to people about my emotions has never felt good. But maybe it works some magic other than making one feel good...The magic called resolution. Ooooooh. I dunno.

lol I was just about to tag this post "queer nonsense." fail.

No Lupus

May. 11th, 2017 09:45 pm
improperlyhuman: (Default)
Missed a couple of buses but made it to my rheumatology appointment on time. Had to wait like 45 minutes for the doctor and ultimately did not have the option to take the local bus home because I was there so late.

Doctor did roughly the same thing the last rheumatologist did: a lengthy physical exam. Actually lengthier this time. Also asked me a ton of questions.

He said that something like seventy percent of people who have a positive ANA test don't have lupus. He said that I don't show signs of lupus, but I could develop lupus in the future.

He told me to increase my Vitamin D, get my levels re-tested, and that we'd go from there. He also told me to let him know if I begin to get rashes, sores inside my mouth, or swollen joints (signs of lupus?). I have a follow-up appointment next month.

Although I was away from home for seven or eight hours, I struggled to get all my errands done. I didn't have time to walk to the fancy 6 dollar burrito place, so I ate at Taco Bell: 2 bean burritos (for which I forgot to order lettuce) and one Spicy Potato Soft Taco. I didn't have time to check the electronics store for hair clippers, but that's probably a good thing because they probably don't sell them.

Then I went to Walmart and got the African Black Soap that works. On the way there, I happened by the local chain sporting goods store and stopped in for some chalk. Then I went to the one pharmacy that sells my vegan, organic B-12 and bought a bottle of that. Then I caught the bus back to where the taxi had dropped me off.

I called the taxi service that I use to leave town and was denied a ride because the dispatcher didn't want to send the single driver on duty so far out. I thought that I was stranded at that point, but I tried another taxi service, one that won't give me a ride out of town but apparently will give me one into town. I had to wait an hour. It was cold out so I went into a department store for a while.

Lo and behold! I found some seemingly-not-toxic fluoride toothpaste (8 bucks) that doubles as bad breath treatment, and I found a good set of hair clippers (61 bucks). With tax these cost nearly half my checking account balance. I hesitated, but dammit, I need haircuts and I need fluoride on my choppers, don't I? That 35 bucks I dropped on vegan D3 a couple weeks ago hit me hard too.

So I finally got home at 9 pm, an hour ago.

I'd like to have someone to check my breath after I use this new toothpaste. That's what I'm missing without friendships!

I want to post more but I'm quite tired now. I did a lot of walking today.
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