Jul. 13th, 2017

improperlyhuman: (Default)
Given the time I wake up every morning, I should be going to bed right now, but I'm not really sleepy. One of my sleeping pills would make me sleepier, but not necessarily allow me to sleep. If I took one, I could end up lying on my sleeping pad, too sleepy to get up and do anything and too not sleepy to fall asleep. That is a terrible state to be in.

This afternoon I left a voicemail for the shrink and terminated therapy. I just woke up this morning tired of the bullshit and wanting to spend my time on more productive things.

The shitty voc rehab counselor still won't respond to me about paying my legal fees so that I can get a lawyer to finalize my editorial contract. She sent me an email that didn't address my question. I've had to contact her supervisor before for her lack of response.

According to...I guess established sleep hygiene knowledge, I shouldn't be here using a screen so late, but I tried getting away from screens before and it made no difference.

Ok, I just took a pill. I'll keep trying this way for a while.

I listened to some music today, more than I've listened to in a long time. A bit of Queen, but mostly Snake River Conspiracy. I have a song playing over and over again in my head, and, far worse, a diffuse sad/nostalgic emotion that one of the other tracks from the album gave me.

I finally decided to an re-created a LinkedIn account today. I'd been worried about how my lack of network would impress potential clients. The creepiest thing ever: on the suggested connections page was...shit what's her name? Starts with an "a." My ex.

Like how the hell did they know that we knew one another? I think I listed her as a reference, but never online, just on paper.

I guess I'll go read a bit of philosophy of science before bed. I have such huge appreciation for being able to read and other stuff I can do now that my fatigue isn't so intense. I have a new zest for life, and I've been motivated to work on stuff I'd put off for a long time.
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