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[personal profile] improperlyhuman
The shrink still up to b.s. Today there was a wicked long silence after I spoke during our session, so I asked whether she had anything to say. She said she hadn't wanted to interrupt me, so I said that I'd finished. Then she had to nerve to tell me I that wasn't finished speaking! The hell?

Still looking for emotions that aren't there as well. I told her that I was angry, but she kept looking. I bet if I lied and told her what she expected to hear, she'd believe me.

I showed my frustration but was in general hella chill about all this. I've begun, however, to consider leaving therapy. She's not helping me. I'm actually being hindered by having to field all her crap before we can get down to the actual issues I bring up. I'm doing a great job of identifying my own problems, and I'm starting to see the way to solve them as well, particularly with the reading I've been doing.

She seems to persist in the belief that I see her to have someone to talk to, despite my telling her multiple times that that isn't the case. So she sits there silently, offering me no solutions.

I bought some natural sleeping pills. They definitely help me to fall asleep, but the problem of waking up too early persists. So, rather than trying to force myself into a sleeping schedule, I'm just gonna stay up as long as I want and see if the resulting exhaustion helps me to sleep long enough. I always feel great in the evenings and want to stay up forever to accomplish all the things I couldn't do during the day.

I went back and read some of Jung's Psychological Types. I found it much more understandable this time. That lack of brain fog makes a helluva difference. So I decided that INTP fits me best. Maybe I shouldn't decide on the basis of what Jung wrote; INTP is, after all, a classification of Myers-Briggs, which is based on, but not identical to, Jung's typology. Eh whatevs.

I'm re-growing my duck tail, a bigger duck tail that will be a nice heavy braid (I hope). I cut off the little rat tail I had, which looked stupid because my hair back there was two different lengths.

I think I did something stupid in my mental haze the other day. I filled out a W-9 and gave the editing company my social security number. That wasn't safe. Well, at least my credit is already horrible, so they can't ruin it or get credit cards or whatever in my name. And maybe they are legit and just have shitty hiring practices. I guess I should call SSA. Shit. All this trouble because I'm having to work when I'm too ill to do so. Can't get unemployment and can't get SSDI. Trapped in the system.
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