May. 9th, 2017

improperlyhuman: (dark Mulder)
Things sure are moving fast now. Just mailed my signature out on Friday; today is Monday and I received an email about fillng out an enrollment form for the university, which has already received authorization from voc rehab.

I've noticed that my fatigue generally only lasts during the day. I could barely do anything this afternoon, yet I feel fine now. Why?

I was scheduled for a third chat with my anarchist friend today. Already I'm tired of this. Like I never get what I want from people and I don't have the stamina to stick it out comfortably until I do get what I want. I mean...I don't know. I kind of suddenly realized that I don't want a chat buddy. Or maybe I do, but we aren't chatting about what I'm interested in. It's nice to talk to an anarchist...I guess, but this isn't what I thought it'd be like.

These (non-civ?) anarchists are very much into political science. I'm not. They rattle off the names of theorists and anarchists, names I couldn't remember if I tried. It's kind of an intellectual approach to anarchism. I approach anarchism from a much simpler place: a desire for freedom. I don't feel the need to read a shitload of books, I don't know what the hell Trotski said, and I don't waste my time arguing with statists online. I'm not going to study the freakin history of anarchism, nor do I need to.

I think the thing is that they want society to stay more or less the same, just without centralized authority. But since the current structure of society will fall apart without centralized authority, there are a lot of arguments and details that must be considered to patch together a theory that seems like it can keep the current structure together.

Let it fall apart, I say. It is not redeemable. It is not sustainable.

This is what I really want socially from other anarchists: people who are not attached to the structure of society. People who are not attached to industrialism. People who do not worship science and "progress" and transhumanist fantasies.

People who like nature and real community (which can only happen on the tribal level) and freedom.

People who do not say, "you need to read..." in any discussion of anarchism ever. Freedom is something that everyone wants and fundamentally understands; if an anarchist can't explain an anarchist idea to an illiterate person, that anarchist has failed somehow.

Yeah, so I don't really want a chat buddy. All I ever really wanted was a girlfriend, and that hasn't changed. But I have to like be friends with people first, and...I don't have the stamina for it I guess. Or the interest, I don't know. Or it's just too early to tell!

So she sent me a message asking me if I'd rather call instead of chat and I'm like, oh no. Not for this sort of relationship will I put myself through that. I am not getting and do not expect to get enough out of this to merit that level of effort.
improperlyhuman: (Default)
Damn MK is hella violent. But D'Vorah is kewl. And I really really like the name Quan Chi. Maybe I will change my name to Quan Chi. My real name is kinda gay.

But I'm like, why do the characters with Asian names look white or mixed at best?

And the fighting is so damned unrealistic. Fisticuffs against guns. Characters jumping back up to fight after their spines have been broken and their skulls partially crushed lol.

I got my deadlift groove back! 140 lbs this evening, no back pain/weakness but it was a helluva stress on my back. My deadlift gainz have been lagging for so long that squat gainz are catching up. 125 lb. squat today baby.

I feel like I'm loosing fat, but it's coming along sooooo slowly. At this rate, I may not be where I want to be for another 6 months or more.
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