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[personal profile] improperlyhuman
OkCupid is not the place to find butch lesbians. When the most attractive person you've come across is someone who has apparently medically transitioned, you know it's time to take a break. That made me feel really down :(

I've got some philosophy of science books I've been meaning to read. I know I'm going to have trouble focusing on them, however. That's ok. Everything's ok. I'll just read the sentences over and over again until they stick. Check out my life hacks.

Ah, summer. Spiders taking over the bedroom. I've never seen such clumsy spiders. One just fell off the little ledge of the runner that's at the base of my bedroom walls. The carpet is the perfect color for hiding the little brown bastards. One keeps running around me instead of going off into a corner like spiders normally do.

I'm halfway through The Haunting of Hill House and almost nothing has happened! The characters behave bizarrely, switching rapidly from laughter to terror.

I just had a thought: maybe part of the reason that I struggle to focus on reading is my relatively newfound lack of patience with bad writing. Most things I read are verbose, and it seems that quite a few authors are bad at explaining themselves. I'm probably picking up on this more now that I'm an editor.

I'm cleaning up the kitchen and bathroom much more often now! Good show, improperly. The next goal is keeping the bedroom clean. I always have books scattered all over the floor.

I've learned to pay little attention to people's dating advice/discussion online. I thought that people who are more experienced than me might have some good insight, but a lot of it doesn't apply to me. This is true of advice in general, actually. Even when people ask for advice, I see others not really advising on what's been asked about and instead projecting some shit on the asker and advising on that. Everybody seemingly just talking about themselves when you get down to it.

Oh shit, it's past midnight.

Another reason I stopped paying attention is that the behavior they talk about makes people in general seem awful. I can do without that.

When I have anxious thoughts about the impression I've made or will make, I tell myself that whatever I'm worrying about is ok. I mean that I think the words explicitly, in the moment, right after the worry enters my mind. It's such a simple thought, but it works.

It's ok to have misinterpreted that message as interest. It's ok that that person is slightly irritated with me. It's ok to contact people and get no response. Sometimes I'm kind of side-eyeing my oks, like "is that really ok?" Well, dammit, it has to be ok because the alternative is anxiety, and that's not ok.

You know, it's hard to have no primary relationship. But it's also ok to not have one.
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